i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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