we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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