Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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