A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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