Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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