some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
