do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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