the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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