I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vagina is officially offended.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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