Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
