i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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