In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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