with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
