Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
4 words: hood of his car
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
