Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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