it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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