went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
