had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
