I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
