It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
