her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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