And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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