is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
