State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
