I am puke
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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