I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
