Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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