Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
