I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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