i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
