i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
