my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
