i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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