I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
