Apparently you make a good broom.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
