If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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