If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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