i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
