He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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