yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
