yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
