this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
