Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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