Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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