I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
