What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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