awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to make out with him forever
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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