I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
