your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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