Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
