maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
