Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
