Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
