Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
