someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
