i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
