she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
