Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
