everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
