My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
