My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
