Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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