Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
