The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
