Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize