She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
