in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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