I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
