You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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