I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
