drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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