last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
