apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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