dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
