Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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