Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
