Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
