Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (6747) Bad night (1878)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

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  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4992) Bad night (991)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?

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  (708): Someone played tic tac toe on my abs? http://tfl.nu/19a9
  Replies (10) Good night (4610) Bad night (1278)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.

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  (908): I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway. http://tfl.nu/lu4f
  Replies (14) Good night (1313) Bad night (2765)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.

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  (330): All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule. http://tfl.nu/83wx
  Replies (5) Good night (2268) Bad night (707)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.

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  (772): I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do. http://tfl.nu/7vxu
  Replies (23) Good night (2937) Bad night (845)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.

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  (717): Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment. http://tfl.nu/vmb7
  Replies (2) Good night (1543) Bad night (941)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."

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  (248): Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent." http://tfl.nu/u4zv
  Replies (7) Good night (1815) Bad night (615)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.

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  (214): So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him. http://tfl.nu/fzxv
  Replies (2) Good night (2197) Bad night (526)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina

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  (414): I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/a948
  Replies (8) Good night (580) Bad night (1084)
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  (562): View more from California

  I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"

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  (562): I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??" http://tfl.nu/7nog
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (496)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  "Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?

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  (717): "Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right? http://tfl.nu/p6ak
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (295)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"

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  (586): Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh" http://tfl.nu/2zz2
  Replies (18) Good night (1830) Bad night (424)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.

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  (850): We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going. http://tfl.nu/jid8
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (408)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..

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  (541): How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time.. http://tfl.nu/mqtf
  Replies (2) Good night (540) Bad night (229)

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