in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.