Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt