As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
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All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work