i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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