dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.