I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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