so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
