Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.